I am engaged to an amazing woman, and we live together for half the year (the other half I am in Australia – it’s complicated!). Anyway, she has a nine year old son who I love, and he has accepted me really well and is mostly okay with me being a woman.
I am just having issues with his behaviour, he sometimes gives a fair bit of attitude, and doesn’t give me any respect – he does the same to his mother and grandparents, although not as much, but doesn’t really get punished for it. He usually says 'just kidding' or stuff and gets away with a fair bit. I was brought up to be polite, always use manners etc and even though I know he is a nine year old boy, I still struggle a little with his attitude.
I want to talk to my fiancee about it, butI feel like she sometimes tends to take his side, or when I get frustrated with his behaviour she takes it to think I don't like him, which is totally not true, I do love him as if he were my own son. He once wanted a new toy and the three of us agreed on guidelines (he had to keep his room tidy, clean up after his meals, not needing reminders etc) but she never really stuck to them and when I tried, I end up as the bad guy.
It worries me about what it will be like when we are married, and living together 24/7. We plan on having another two kids together, and I do feel confident that we can get our parenting styles to meld then, it's more now with her 9 year old son.
I don't know how to bring this up to my fiancee without it seeming like I don't like her son, and I don't want her to think that I am criticizing her parenting either - she is a great mom, we are just different in how we discipline.
Any advice would be hugely appreciated!